Friendship for all

by.**.John burk

 

 

 

Tasren: Raji..my real good friend

 

The picture which Raji gave  me the day we had coffee in my house before he went back to Nigeria

 

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never ever the same” (Unknown).

I am very fortunate that I have a real good friend. His name is Raji. We have been studying and did the research together in the same university for one year. While I was doing my Ph.D. in the second year ,Raji came to do his post- doctoral for 1 year. He was the lecturer in Nigeria. I knew very little about him from my supervisor before he came cos he will bring the crude oil contaminated soil from Nigeria to our research lab.

 

Franklinwilkin building the building we did research

 

In October 2002, Prof. Jeremy (my supervisor) came in the studying room with the guy who I felt surprised at the first sight.. “Hey Stranger,” was the first thing I said to myself. Prof. Jeremy let us  introduced each other and what I remembered very well was he gave me his hand and I felt uncomfortable in that moment to handshake..but I did . The next day I knew from Prof. Jeremy that we have to be the partner in molecular research.

Since I was better in molecular biology and he was better in microbiology, we always help and support each other if we got confused. We have to talk, consult, planning for the lab etc everyday. I observed and learnt Raji’s habit day by day. He always tries to learn from others. He is always helpful to others in their time of need and never feels them to be obliged

I never been abroad alone and leaded life among the people from different cultures. He helped me get through some of the difficult times I’ve ever gone through in my life. He encouraged and helped me from time to time. He has a very warm personality very polite, good mannered. I have never seen him losing his temper. His virtue of patience and compassion for all was indeed amazing. Furthermore, Honesty is his good manner he never lie and never promise the thing that he can not do.

The thing I have learnt and realized from Raji was “each and every person that comes into your life comes into your life for a special reason”.

After he finished his post-doctoral in  November 2002. We stay in touch. The last time I had got mail from him he told me  that he moved his family from Nigeria to UK for good.

Sometime I and Jnin (my husband) ..we got into talking about all of what’s written above. It’s a feeling I’m sincerely grateful for to be able to have good friend in life.

 

TASREN: The opportunity

From  “Yiching”  to “ Nazir”

 

 

 

Friends are friend forever together 'till the end.

For 6 years we went out separate ways.

 One day you wrote this to me…..

“…i would like to wish for...to have you back as my dear friend and to be able to talk to you as before and see you also...i hope that is one wish i can get..”

I let your wish come true and gave you the opportunity.

You promised me that you would always be my friend.

And will never lied again

You said you are happy that you have me ..

Someone u can talk to at times of bad and good...easy and difficult

Someone you can be sincere and honest and not have to tell the lie

 

One day (1 month later) something changed

I'm not sure what it was.

And for some reason, I don't know why, we couldn't make it right.

 

The First time when you told me you will change,
I tried to believe you. I did,
But soon you were back to the old you.
I realised you didn’t change,

 Forgive and Forget,that i have done.
I’ll do my part as a friend.
No matter who you are.

And you know who am I

But whatever it is,
I know I can’t say much.
I will accept whoever you are,
because you are who you are.

We went our separate ways.

This went on for days and days.

Humans are selfish.
Many tend to not try understanding others before doing something.
But one day when you find out,
                                      It’s too late.
 

With Yiching and Nazir friendship made me realized that each person we meet, be it a stranger or the best of friends, come into our lives for a certain reason and ours in theirs as well. Sometimes they come back into it, sometimes they don’t, sometimes they never leave.

But I feel sorry for Nazir That he haven’t realized ..he can’t find out the person like Yiching anymore..the really kindness and virtuous person.

 

I would like to tell them .."Live in the

present and make it so

beautiful that it will be worth

remembering."

TASREN: He ..who lost true friend

“Nazir”

His habit is quite different from Yiching. This make me very impress about their friendship. Besides his simplicity, Nazir was also a great perfectionist in his personal choices, not only at work. He is self-centered, self-contradictory, hyper-sensitivity, competitive, secretiveness ect.

His mood swings all the time, one minute, he's happy and talking to me or Yiching  just fine. The next minute, he can tells us to get out of his life and that he's not our friend.( This is one reason to end up their friendship lately). Anyway Nazir is very very intelligent in science with science he is the powerful  researcher.

 

To me a friend is a person who accepts you for who you are and not because what you have, a person who corrects you when you are wrong and shares with you your good moments, as well the bad ones. That's what I think a friendship means.

The vast majority of what people call friends are just good acquaintences. True friends are rare and far between, but once found are there for life.

 

I would like to say this to both of them (esp: yiching)

if you love something,
let it go.
if it comes back,
its yours,
if it doesn’t,
it never was.

But make sure that it’s not too late for “Nazir”

 

 

HOPE ! This can be applied to everyone who just lost the good friends.

 

 

TASREN: Why we are friends..Yiching?

"Yiching"

 

I know my close friend ”Yiching” for nearly twelve years and she’s an awesome person. She was actually the first foreigner friend I made when I moved to study abroad, and we started talking to each other because we were in the same situation. We could say that it was “friendship at first sight”. We went out travelled every month together.

Yiching is a very kind lady, although she doesn’t like to show that much.  If you don't know her well, you could think that she’s quite serious, not very friendly, but once you talk with her you will notice that she’s very cheerful, warm and you just have to like her. I like the best of Yiching is that she is very reasonable. She’s also very intelligent, and she knows about many different things. She has very special gift no one know this only me, Nazir and Raji. Her only problem is that when she use her energy to help someone especially Nazir she will have nose breeding everytime.

But for Nazir, Yiching should be his true friend cos she’s always there when Nazir was sad or have problems with his science, and she’s always ready to listen to Nazir problems and to help him everytime. Whether it’s evil or good they always do it anyway if they get into trouble they always get into trouble together they always make each other laugh, and keep each other company and always have fun.                                                                 The place we went together..

 

To Yiching hobbies belong writing, travelling and reading interesting books and novels. She loves dolls collection. With me Yiching will be always friends and even if we move out to another country, we will stay in touch .

To sum up, Yiching is one of the most incredible lady I know, and I’m happy to have her as one of my close friends. Our friendship will last forever.

Yiching gave me this doll before she leaved.

TASREN: "good friend"

Friendships are precious...

 Kalyanamittata : having a "good friend" (a person or social environment that is helpful to one's life development)

Friends is important cos they have a great influence on our advancement and regression in life. Finding a true friend, who stays around forever, is something that life offers to very few.

Some people are blessed to have friends, who stick to each other through the thick and thin of their lives and never ever break the relation, even with geographical distance or time.

Long lasting friendship does not happen in a day. It takes years to develop understanding and higher levels of trust, if you want to boast of having old friends. It needs equal efforts from both sides to make the relation work

False friends & True friends

Good friends can be differentiated from the rest by certain characteristics.

Listed here are the teachings on those who should be associated with and those who should not, and the principles through which friends should relate to each other:

A. False friends: one should know the four kinds of false friends, or enemies in the guise of friends (mitta-patirupaka), as follows:

1. The out-and-out robber, one who only takes from his friend (harajana), has four main features:

1.   He thinks only of getting.

2.   He gives little in the hope of getting much.

3.   Only when he is in danger does he help his friend.

4.   He is a friend only for his own profit.

2. The smooth talker (vaciparama) has four main features:

5.   He is only good at talking about that which is done and gone.

6.   He is only good at talking about that which has not yet come.

7.   He offers help that is ineffectual.

8.   When his friend needs help, he makes excuses.

3. The flatterer (anupiyabhani) has four main features:

9.   He consents to [his friend's] doing wrong.

10.               He consents to his doing right.

11.               He sings his praises to his face.

12.               He runs him down behind his back.

4. The leader to ruin (apayasahaya) has four main features:

13.               He is a companion in drinking.

14.               He is a companion in night life.

15.               He is a companion in frequenting shows and fairs.

16.               He is a companion in gambling.

B. True friends: one should know the four kinds of true friends, or friends at heart (suhada-mitta), as follows:

1. The helping friend (upakaraka) has four main features:

17.               When his friend is off guard, he guards him.

18.               When his friend is off guard, he guards his property.

19.               In times of danger, he can be a refuge.

20.               In times of need, he gives more than asked for.

2. The friend through thick and thin (samanasukhadukkha) has four main features:

21.               He confides in his friend.

22.               He keeps his friend's secrets.

23.               He does not desert his friend in times of danger.

24.               He will give even his life for his friend's sake.

3. The good counselor (atthakkhayi) has four main features:

25.               He restrains his friend from doing evil or harm.

26.               He encourages his friend in goodness.

27.               He makes known to his friend what he has not heard before.

28.               He points out the way to prosperity and happiness.

4. The loving friend (anukampi) has four main features:

29.               When his friend is unhappy, he commiserates.

30.               When his friend is happy, he is happy for him.

31.               When others criticize his friend, he comes to his defense.

32.               When others praise his friend, he joins in their praise.

(D.III.185)

C. Reciprocal friendship: friends should support each other according to the practices in the teachings on the "left direction" listed below:

One should treat friends as follows:

33.               Share with them.

34.               Speak kindly to them.

35.               Help them.

36.               Be constant through their ups and downs.

37.               Be faithful and sincere.

Friends reciprocate as follows:

38.               When their friend is off guard, they protect him.

39.               When their friend is off guard, they protect his property.

40.               In times of danger, they can be a refuge.

41.               They do not desert their friend in times of need.

42.               They respect their friend's family and relations

Friends are hard to find and good friends, harder still. If you have a truly good friend, you are one of the lucky few because good friends aren't that easy to find these days, so count your blessings and keep your good friend! They are truly invaluable and irreplaceable.

Reference: Phra Phromkhunāphǭn (Prayut Payuttō),  A CONSTITUTION FOR LIVING  http://www.watnyanaves.net/th/book_detail/492